dix-huit. [ RL with Kamina ]

[piercethecharts]

[ She was losing control. She could feel herself losing it, that was the worst part, to know what was happening. That tight control she always had over herself-- not in the sense that she held back or hid things any more than a girl hides things, but in the sense that she always had a firm handle on who she was, where she was going, and how she was getting there-- that control had started crumbling in the taxi. She felt like she'd left pieces of it all over the library, overhearing what she had. As long as they didn't tell anyone, it would be fine. It would all be fine.

But she didn't feel fine, and she didn't feel like it would be fine. It was only half the illness; she felt that familiar lightheadedness and chills that came and went but always came again. But it was the desperation and hurt that kept her wandering the streets; desperation for what, she didn't know. (What the hurt was about, she knew all too well; Grace's words kept ringing in her ears.)

She'd never noticed her face on every screen. It had been part of the background, the general wallpaper of the world. But now everything was green and orange, and she didn't resent Ranka her success except she did, and she hated herself for it.

"Please come to my revenge live! This time, it's definitely happening!"

Sheryl didn't even have the self-possession to pull herself up onto the curb; she sank down to her knees on the street, too feverish and out of it now to even know if she was sobbing, or if she was just hallucinating in the rain. ]

Comments

[piercethecharts]

[ ...she sits up ]

Know what?

[ she already knows. there's no point in playing dumb. but she's going to anyway ]

[aburningspirit.livejournal.com]

[he looks at her with tired and unreadable eyes that are so unlike him.]

C'mon now.

[piercethecharts]

[ she pulls her knees up to her chest; wrapping her arms around them, she bites down on her lower lip to control herself before speaking in a voice that betrays her by shaking even though she speaks with conviction ]

Don't, Kamina. Don't-- I didn't want you to know!

[aburningspirit.livejournal.com]

Sorta hard to hide this kinda stuff from a Shinigami. [she can't see his wry smile, but she'll be able to feel his chin resting on the top of her head.] 'sides, 'm too cool for you keep stuff from me for long anyway.

[piercethecharts]

[ she doesn't have it in her to tease him back. She wants to lean into him, and she wants to be alone, but mostly she just wants all this not to be happening-- she stands up abruptly, but only takes one or two steps away from the couch. Her shoulders start to shake as she wraps her arms around herself; she doesn't say anything, because if she opens her mouth she doesn't think she'll be able to hold the tears back ]

[aburningspirit.livejournal.com]

[he lets her get up, try to compose herself. quietly. firmly. he says what's on his mind despite its short length.]

If ya wanna leave, that's okay. And if you wanna stay, that's okay too. You've gotta be thinking of a lot right now and I can't say I know what it's like. But whatever you wanna do, remember 'm right here with you, Sheryl.

[piercethecharts]

[ she shakes her head; not in negation of what he said, but out of some sort of frustrated helplessness ]

Leave? I don't-- I don't have anywhere to go! And I can't ask-- I can't ask to-- [ now that she's started speaking, it's just as she feared; her words start to catch and she trips over them, not able to finish whatever thoughts were coming next. She brings her hands up to cover her face, trying and failing to hold back sobs ]

[aburningspirit.livejournal.com]

[...you know what, screw the waiting and watching.

kamina gets right up, turns her around by the shoulder, and hugs her tight. maybe it was the wrong thing to do, but he'd find out, wouldn't he?]

[piercethecharts]

[ Don't worry, Kamina, you got this one right. It's what she wanted but could never, ever ask for; sometimes pride ends up hurting more than it helps. And after Grace, she couldn't reach out, she couldn't, even if she logically knew there wouldn't be anything to worry about--

She twists her hands in the fabric of his shirt, sobbing onto his chest, shoulders shaking. She thought she'd cried herself out in the rain, but it seems that was just a warm-up ]

[aburningspirit.livejournal.com]

[score one for the big lug with no sensitivity training!

considering the day she's had and all the unwanted revelations that have been brought to light, kamina doesn't blame her for the crying. like he said before, he's right there with her so he goes nowhere, rubbing her back in what he hopes is a comforting type of gesture. (when simon felt bad, he just punched him in the face therefore he certainly wasn't an expert at any other kind of comforting sign.) no matter how long it took. he would stay there for her.]

[piercethecharts]

[ by the time she's cried herself out, she feels sick and weak again; whether it's something physical or mental, she's not sure. Either way, she tugs on his shirt to get his attention ]

...I need to sit down. Get me some water?

[aburningspirit.livejournal.com]

[he nods once and lets go to pad into the kitchen and fill up the cup she used before water. complete with ice. and a bendy straw. kamina brings it back and holds it in front of him like a little kid offering his first-grade girlfriend a valentine.]

[piercethecharts]

[ bendy straw, huh? you sure do know how to treat a girl, Kamina. She doesn't even raise an eyebrow at it, but she does pat the couch next to her, inviting him to sit ]

[aburningspirit.livejournal.com]

[he is nothing but a classy gentleman; good day, madam. and sit he does, wrapping an arm around her waist.] You feel a little better?

[piercethecharts]

[ she doesn't respond directly, but leans her head onto his shoulder ]

I have to stay now, you know. You won't be able to find me, otherwise. I threw my phone under a truck.

[aburningspirit.livejournal.com]

[completely deadpan.] ...that explains a lot. Eh, whatever. I don't care if you stay.

[piercethecharts]

...Can I?

[ it's said in an uncharacteristically small voice; Sheryl's used to demanding things or stating things, not asking for things. And while she knows he meant that it wasn't a bother for her to stay, she somehow wants him to say more than that he doesn't care ]

[aburningspirit.livejournal.com]

[that moment hurt more than watching her cry.

kamina holds her a little tighter, kisses her temple.] You think I wouldn't want you here? What kinda man would let somebody he cares about be alone?

[piercethecharts]

[ She closes her eyes, settling into the crook of his arm. She wants to ask how he found her, why he knew what was happening; but as she curls up, the most inane question comes to mind, and that's the one that wins. She doesn't want to discuss anything that happened before she got here, not ever. And so she says what's on her mind as the most pressing, immediate concern that has nothing to do with anything remotely deep or painful. ]

...Kamina, why aren't I wearing a bra?

[aburningspirit.livejournal.com]

I didn't do it! [must cover tracks to save skin must oh my god] I asked some girls on the community to come over and get you out of your wet clothes and Chibiusa taught me how to use the washer and dryer! So I never saw anything! [...unfortunately.]

[piercethecharts]

[ she actually smiles a bit at that, although whether or not he can see it is debatable. She doesn't much feel like getting high and mighty about it, or dancing around the point, saying things like "That's right, I don't give that service lightly!" or "Ohh, weren't you even tempted~?" so he gets an unusually blunt answer ] You've had your hands up my shirt, remember? You get bonus points for thoughtfulness, but in a situation like that, it's fine.

[aburningspirit.livejournal.com]

Really? Huh. [ to be honest, he'd been so worried that it never occurred to him that she might not have had a problem with it. at least she said he'd been thoughtful. that was a plus.] 's not like you're gonna do anything like that again, but I'll remember.

[piercethecharts]

That's right, I won't. [ It's clear she's trying to talk with her usual confidence, but it comes out sounding a little uncertain and flat ]

[aburningspirit.livejournal.com]

[his eyebrows knitting together are the only outward signs of worry, and even that is quickly brushed away. it was time to be a rock of support. that was what he was best at anyway. he decides to tease in an attempt to cheer her up,] You better not 'cause I ain't runnin' out there in the rain looking for you.

[piercethecharts]

Really? I don't know, Kamina... it's hard to deny the evidence. [ her mind is still vacillating between wanting to depend on him utterly and wanting to show him she's perfectly fine, but she can tell he's trying to cheer her up with banter, and she appreciates that even more than him holding her ]